why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
