i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
