Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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