Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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