and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
