When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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