Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
