so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
