9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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