i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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