I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
