We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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