Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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