nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
