I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
