She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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