Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
