I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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