Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
