We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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