I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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