Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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