Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
