haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
