you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
