The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
