names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
