So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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