goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
