Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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