So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
