all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
