am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
