mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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