those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
