But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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