New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
