its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
