Sponge bath it is.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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