I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
