Umm I'm too high to move.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have fence marks all over my body
I need a beard to bite.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
