Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
