there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
