Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
