i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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