I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
