I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
