"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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