just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
