My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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