If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
